I would make the worst party DJ ever

I’m sitting here, trying to force myself how to actually paint in photoshop, and I have iTunes on (as always), listening to my whole collection at random. I need to take a nap in a little while, anyway, but still.

I like my collection. Some songs are good to relax to, some are good for pepping me up and getting me motivated, and others are good for just singing out to, you know? But, quite frankly, people get baffled when they come in, hang with me, and I have this on random.

So, how random are they? Here’s a list:

Squirrel Nut Zippers – Maiden’s Prayer
Evanescence – Going Under
Celtic Woman – Carol of the Bells
Less than Jake – All My Best Friends Are Metalheads
Ben Folds – Bitches Ain’t Shit

And, currently listening to Nelly Furtado – (Shit) On The Radio

So, no, none of them go with each other. At least, not in any discernable fashion. (Ok, the song just changed. It’s Poe – Hey Pretty) I don’t even think any of them are even the same genres, are they?

I don’t even care. I’m just writing this because I’m bored, tired, and medicated So, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry I’m a moron.

I just don’t get “genre’s”. I listen to the “It doesn’t suck balls” genre. If I can groove to it, if I can sing to it, or if I can feel it, and it doesn’t make me cringe every time I hear it (although, part of that is Krystal’s fault. I just can’t listen to “Walk Away” by Kelly Clarkston anymore because of her and her goddamned karaoke machine), it belongs in the “Doesn’t Suck Balls” genre. It gets bonus points if I can sing it, and even more bonus points if I can play it on the guitar. (Speaking of, it just changed to “The Cranberries – Zombie”. Love that song.)

I don’t get all hung up on “oh, you like that kind of music? tee hee, you must be a(n) [Insert something derrogative here]” kind of mentality. Unless it’s that stupid boy band shit. Nothing good ever came out of that. Well, except the one song JC Chasez did with BT. And that’s not that great, but it’s ok. But, still. Justin Timberlake? COME ON. He’s like trying to be the white Michael Jackson. Not happnin’.

(Juliana Hatfield 3 – Spin the Bottle played during that paragraph. Here comes Trou Macacq by Squirrel Nut Zippers.)

I mean, no, I don’t much get into listening to the radio (none come in my bedroom anyway, and my truck radio doesn’t work, leaving me to listen to ringtones on my phone if I drive for too long.), and I’m not much into most of the music that’s come out in recent years. I don’t like music that whines. I’m starting to kind of be ok with “Plain White T’s”. Well, at least I like that “I really don’t like you” song. That new single “Before He Cheats” by Carrie Underwood makes me wish Matt had a car, and I had money to get up there to fuck it up. I think I want to sing it at a karaoke, because I can belt that shit out. (Now playing: K’s Choice – Not An Addict)

Although, there have been a few songs that have come out lately that have made me just……..it’s hard to describe. It’s like happy tears, but on the inside. (no, not that, you perverts!) Like, I remember telling my friends a way back, ’round V-Day, that if any guy wanted me to melt on the spot, randomly play “Surrender” by Billy Talent. It’s…..to me, honestly, it’s the most perfect love song written in a long time.

And, with that, I’m going to take a nap. Besides, it’s a new song, anyway (Fugazi – Waiting Room), and I have to pee.

Antialiasing sucks ballz

I recently purchased Bryce 6..partly because I’m a sheeple, and I have to have the new and shiney upgrades to my software (I’ve only avoided that with Photoshop and my Macromedia suite….because I don’t have thousands of dollars to piss away on software), and partly because it looked to be oh so much better than Bryce 5.5, from when DAZ first took it over.

Now, it is better.  I’ll grant you that.  And the ability to render using HDRI for lighting, rather than the unrealistic sun that is included is really nice.  The presets are nice, but I doubt I’ll be using Bryce for anything more than a renderer, at least until Poser 7 comes out….unless P7 sucks even bigger balls.

Anyway, I’ve decided to take my scene from “You Take Too Damn Long!“, import it into Bryce, add some HDRI lighting, and see what I get.  So far, I love it.  The actual rendering took less than 4 hours.

However, since it began Anti-Aliasing………..it’s been 6 hours.  And it’s at 16%.  I know.  More than 2% every hour, I’m doing better than what most high-end shops would get on my PC.  Which is why they use NETWORKS to render, and not home PC’s.

So, every once in a while, I go, look, and check to see if it’s crashed or anything.  The render looks really nice.  I’m just getting freaking ANTSY!!!  I JUST want to post it, and show everyone how absolutely fabulous it is to finally be able to render using HDRI, without having to spend $500 on a program to do it with.    Currently, I’m thinking it’s the hair that’s giving it trouble, but I’m not going to stop the render just to change the hair.  I’ll let it go through it’s bullshit, and it will be done in about 2 days.  Or something.

Places to find me.

I realize that I have blogs and galleries everywhere. Most of it is a simple matter of copying and pasting, or just waiting to freaking upload.

So, here’s the list.

Galleries:

DAZ

DeviantART

Renderosity

Blogs:

WordPress

MySpace

Livejournal

ArtZONE

Now, here’s where I get “well, why do you have so many blogs and galleries?”

Because I have friends who forget about me if I don’t follow them And, I’m too nice to say “forget you!”.

Just kidding! I don’t know. I guess more opportunity to meet neat people?

I’m waiting for a jet engine to fall into my bedroom

The next few paragraphs are nothing but me bitching.  So……..yeah.
My really shitty day for today actually started last Thursday.  I started getting really bad stomach pains.  Now, a cramp is more tolerable than Pain.  For instance, a cramp is like……it’s like what we used to call as kids an “Indian Rugburn”.  Pain is like someone twisting your arm until the skin comes off, then the muscle and tendons, and then proceeding to break your arm.  And then setting you on fire.
Anyway, those of you who know me know that I have a decently high tolerance for pain, so, I’m not going to get into that at the moment.  However, the second time the Pain came, on Saturday, it was………..like that scene in Alien, where the chest burster came out.  Well, I felt like I had one of those, but, rather than chewing its’ way out, it was just kind of rubbing really fucking hard to get out.  It knocked the breath out of me.
So, I’ve been dealing with it for the last few days, planning on going to the doctor’s office on Monday.  Because, like a normal human being, my doctor deserves the weekend off.
But, it wasn’t to be.  My night started off slow, with me being ridiculously annoyed by the goddamned cricket in the den (we have wooden floors, so everything echoes).  I didn’t get  to sleep until 11 anyway, and I’d worked yesterday   Then……….4am, I was woken up from a decent dream by absolute searing pain.  I writhed silently for a few minutes (because it was 4am, and I didn’t think my dad would appreciate a whiney adult kid at 4am.).  Then, I tried to go back to sleep.  I did sleep again, but was again woken up by Brodie………..at 6:30am.  Because he wants cheerios.  Before anyone else is freaking awake.  After valiantly attempting to get him to go back to sleep, I got up and gave him breakfast.  By this time, the Pain started to get more and more steady, and I decided to forego church and stay home and read the Bible on my own.
By the time Caitlin got home at 11:30ish, I couldn’t deal with it anymore.  I was so glad when my parents got home a little after 12……..because, well, after they left for church, my mom called my cell to tell me that my tire was flat.  Not just low.  F-L-A-T.  And I couldn’t drive myself (good thing, so I’ll get to that in a minute).
So, my dad takes me to the E.R.  And I got in pretty quickly.  I was a good little patient, I peed in my cup, I got poked and prodded (down monkeys!), gave about 2 pints of blood for labwork, and then the doctor came in and proceeded to push on my stomach for about 10 minutes.  See, I know that he’s got to do it to see whether or not I’ve got an abnormal growth or maybe I swallowed a severed head or something…….but, HOT DAMN, that hurt!
By the time he left, I was in tears.  So, he sends his nurse back with Morphine.  Now, not that I mind the pain relief, but I don’t like the fog it leaves my head in.  Anyway, I am actually glad for it……..because about 1/2 hour after that, I got an ultrasound to check for anything wrong inside.  And HOLY SHIT did she ever push on my stomach.
So, what’s wrong with me?  I have gall stones, so I have to get my gall bladder out.  LO-VE-LY. Like I can afford to spend any time off work.  *sigh*  Why they couldn’t just keep me there and do it NOW, rather than send me home with pain meds that leave me in a fog (and give me weird nightmares), I’ll never know, but I have to set up an appointment with the surgeon tomorrow.  *sigh*
Well, at least I’m alive, and will most likely survive the removal of an organ that is semi-useless.  Not as useless as the appendix, but less useful than the heart.
But, you know, you’d THINK that FOX would show something other than STAR WARS on a night when I need to be lying in bed.

I’m a cooler hippie than you.

You scored as One Intelectual Individual. You’re a thinker. You see things from a very different prospective than the rest of the world, and probably find release and self-expression in music, painting, scalpting, or any other form of art. People see you as a deep person, full of knowledge that they don’t understand. People are attracted to that, but there’s a good chance you don’t care. One Intelectual Individual 88% New Age Hippie 75% Original Hippie 75% Earth-Child 75% Not a Hippie 63% Pothead 25% What type of hippie are you? created with QuizFarm.com

See, I always knew I was cooler than you!

Coolest thing about being a mom.

I can do all kinds of stupid shit, and someone still thinks I’m funny.

…Should not have gotten out of bed…

Today hasn’t been the greatest day ever. Like the title says, I shouldn’t have even gotten out of bed.

Last night, after getting home from work, I was informed that Brodie had lost my Wacom pen. Not usually a big deal, after being at work, but, well, today, it was. Today was my Day off™ for the week, and I wanted to get working on this character. Well, no such freaking luck. I’ve cleaned, even dusted, my room…….nothing. *sigh* I really can’t afford $50 for a new pen. I may have to take my mom’s tablet back

And, then, I took my sister to the high school to check out the marching band. Which is usually not a big deal.

But, on the way home, swerving to miss both a car and a huge animal (it was either a possum or a woodchuck…I’m not big on my wild animals at the moment), I crashed onto the side of the road……..and got stuck on a big ass log that was laid there by the road commission when they trimmed the trees. TWO MONTHS AGO. I broke the grill, the left hand headlight is askew, and the right hand mirror is shattered. And everything that was under and behind my seat is now all over the inside of my truck.

Actually, I think the only nice thing that went on in my day is the few messages I shared with Ryan, and the time Brodie walked up to me and asked how I was doing, and I thought he asked “What the Hell are you doing??”

So, because I can’t do anything right, and I keep just fucking up all day long………I’m now going to bed. Hopefully, nothing goes wrong tomorrow.

Beautiful Bride, Beautiful Wedding

About this time last night (it’s currently 10:25pm), I watched one of my best friends drive off into the night in a little red convertible (that barely contained her beautiful gown) to her new life.  It was the perfect end to a beautiful wedding and reception, and I don’t think anyone anywhere will find or see such a beautiful pair as Ashley and Leah Fox.  Leah was a beautiful, not-so-much blushing Bride, and Ashley was a beaming, happy, and very-much-so blushing Groom.  The ceremony was perfect.  The sky was a little overcast, but it was welcome after the ridiculous heatwave we’ve had lately.  I, of course, like the big suck I am, cried through the whole ceremony.  She was a beautiful bride.  Have I mentioned that 12 times yet?  Because I should.  Many more times.  I also should have brought a camera.

Should I start at the beginning?  I should.  I will.

It started out hellaciously akward.  I know I told Jared and Susie that I didn’t notice them, but I did.  Right after I noticed that Chris was doing the sound.  I didn’t get up and go say hi, because of this inherent fear that everyone hates me.  See, while I’m totally secure in my bitchtitude, a friends’ wedding is NOT the place to wear it as a banner.  Besides, I wasn’t always just a snarky, bitter bitch.  I used to just be a snarky bitch.  Writing such brilliant essays with titles like “Girls are Stupid” and “101 reasons why it sucks to be a Girl”.  And other classy gems.

Anyway, back to the wedding.  I was actually hoping that they’d notice me, and either confirm their non-hatred, or confirm their hatred.  But, one of Leah’s brothers put them two rows behind me.  No big.  (By the way, should anyone read this, I’m just venting my total insecurities.  I’m well aware that I’m one of the only people that reads this, even though I link to it from everywhere.  Including my email.)  Luckily, they stationed one of the guys I considered my best friend in my class, Jeff.  He makes me laugh so much.  He made it bearable, and said one thing to me that was totally true.  There’s nothing like a wedding to make a lonely person miserable.  At least he had the wherewithall to dance at the reception.  I, on the other hand, had to leave to go buy cigarettes.  Because, in the face of adversity, I’d rather smoke a cigarette than cry in public.  Even though I’d been doing it all night.

Anyway, I haven’t even gotten through any of this, LOL.  Leah’s little 1st cousin was the flower girl, and I believe a little guy on Ashley’s side was ring bearer.  They were freakin’ adorable.  There was a string quartet that played the music at the wedding (and Chris was the DJ at the reception), and there were 2 singers…one, I believe, has been in plays at the Croswell…and the other was a friend of theirs from College.  Regardless, it was beautiful.  There were a few times when there were laughs (like when Ashley almost forgot “Respect” in their official vows, and Leah, of course, reminded him out loud ), and most of the time, I was in tears.  I don’t even know why I wear makeup outside the house anymore.  I’m bound to cry.  Con.Stant.Ly.

Anyway, the wedding was gorgeous.  Then, we went inside, and sat, and there, I greeted Jared and Susie, and the other people (who I have forgotten already because I’d never met them before, and, well, frankly, I was jumping outside my bubble at this point, so I was almost constantly on the verge of a panic attack), and we talked and had fun, and kinda caught up.  Not completely, but kinda.   They had fun, danced, I watched, ran to the bathroom to try to bawl in private, realized that that was the LEAST private place in the building, ran out to my truck, drove down the street to the store, bought a pack of cigarettes, and had one.  And bawled.  Then, came back, and saw it through ’till the end.  Which was about 15 minutes after I got back.

Afterward, me, Jeff, Jared, Susie, Lisa, Elizabeth(?), Chris, and his wife (I apologize, I don’t remember her name.  Or her face.  She’s pretty, though) went to Big Boy for coffee.

And, then, I came home.

And, here it is, a day later.  And, I haven’t cried about it in hours.

However, I am listening to the awesometastic cover of “Bitches Ain’t Shit” by Dr. Dre covered by Ben Folds Five.

If this ain’t happiness, I don’t know what is.  Now, if you’ll pass the bottle of rum, I have a Coke that needs company.

Funniest. Clip. Evah

‘Nuff said

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrdtXxzhBWA 

So, he thinks he’s a clever little minx.

My baby sister was liberated last night. Liberated from the clutches of a complete and utter asshole. That’s right, my sister is single once again! And the happiest I’ve seen her since the day I moved back home!

And, yes, I had my hand in it…well, I did send an email to him after she broke up with his ass.

What did it say?

So, you think you’re smart, and that you’re doing this shit behind Caitlin’s back. NEWSFLASH, fucker. Your absolute GENIOUS in getting a “secret” MySpace account, and then being stupid enough to add Sand Creek to your profile…….f’ing genious. Truly genious. I mean, Sand Creek is SO huge. Like no one on MySpace that is in Sand Creek doesn’t know at least ONE member of my family, fucktard.
By the way, check your email. My sister has written you for, what I hope will be, the last fucking time. You’ve hurt my sister for the LAST time.
If you reply, just know that it will most likely be read out loud to my family. Because we’re tight like that. Also, I may just print out a few thousand copies and throw them in the wind. Because I’m a bitch like that.
C-ya, fucker.

My mom and dad were….taken aback at my poetic use of the f-bomb, which……….used to be a daily occurance, and now I get to use for special occasions like……….when an asshole treats my little sister like shit.

First, before I show you the link to what it is now, I’ll show you what was up there originally:

http://www.cgrealms.com/jenx/mikemaynardisanasshole.zip

After you’ve read that, and seen his ugly ass face, you can read what’s up there now.

Click here

So, Mike. You think you’re all slick. You think you’re the shit. You think that you are such a hot-ass guy.

Let me tell you something. The BEST thing ever happened to my baby sister last night. Not only are you out of her life, but, SHE’S HAPPY ABOUT IT. Yeah, her heart hurts a little. Mostly because you’re a lying sack of shit. But, you know, it’s much better this way. She’s going to go to college, able to experience life, and very much away from you.

So, go to eastern. Play your precious fucking paintball. And, know that, not only has most of the big huge town of Sand Creek read what was originally on your MySpace page, thanks to the cunning skillz of OUR PRINTER (dumbass), This shit is on the ‘net for ANYONE to see.

And, just in case anyone is searching for you, googling you, I want to make sure that me saying MIKE MAYNARD IS AN ASSHOLE comes up front and center in their searching. Which is why I’m posting this in every place I have a blog.

Smooches!

Jeni